He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
