I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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