So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
