I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
