What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
