why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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