I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
