u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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