I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
