Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i wish my penis had a tongue
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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