DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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