How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
