no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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