Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
