I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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