something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
