Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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