i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
