She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
