if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
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tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
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Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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