You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
