My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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