and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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