No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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