someone owes me an orgasm
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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