I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
