How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize