Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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