In America we eat man semen.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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