sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
