my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
sick fucks of a feather flock together
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
