Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
