i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
