hotel room ftw
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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