): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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