I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
