Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
