I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Randomize
