Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
