omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
