This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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