you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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