You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
