Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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