guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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