I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
