why didn't you poke me back
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
The beer is more important than you right now.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
