when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
