she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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