im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
