HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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