dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
