Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
