I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
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I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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