I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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