Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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