It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
