I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
