I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
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then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
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If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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