Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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