My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
