God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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