she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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