So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
