Fine. I'll sleep in my office
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Everclear isn't food dammit
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize