My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
