I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
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