Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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