I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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