Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Randomize
