I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize