your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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