wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
