I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
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